I got 8 hours of bad sleep monday and tuesday nights, I woke up at 4am on tuesday and started crying for a good 30 minutes. Last night I went to bed at 7, I got up at 4am again but this time I went back to sleep until 6:30. After a good nights sleep I feel like I can now move forward to help her. I have the intention of going to Atlanta on the 16th to be with her at home unless she doesn't want me there, but I haven't spoken to her since monday. I am thinking of getting my station moved so I can be closer to her, but I am only exploring that option at this point. It is amazing how one event can change so many lives, I went from wanting to extend here to preparing to leave it within two months. I would like to say thanks to my friends and my Criminal Justice teacher (PHD in Psychology focused on CJ) who have helped me out so much.
what's his name? is their shipped based out of the San Diego Naval Base? I will personally beat the fuck out of this piece of shit. So sorry to hear about it man. Stay strong. And don't hold back those tears. It's pointless to restrain yourself from crying. You have every right to be upset by this. It is not unmanly to cry. Anyone who disagrees should go to some of the memorial services I've attended, or hear the stories I've heard. There is no shame in crying.
I don't know how it works in the Coast Guard, but I know how it works in the Navy. Generally, Chiefs are a VERY tight knit community. It's usually pretty tough to get them brought up on charges serious enough to go to court marshal. It just doesn't happen, as it is a major black eye for the Navy. The Navy usually tries to cover these sort of things up. I recommend that she begin with a formal grievance against the Chief. Formal grievances supercede the Chiefs altogether (if she chooses) and goes straight to the Department Head or Captain. That is her best bet for getting him punished. Anytime a formal grievance reaches the captain, a full investigation must be performed. Trust me, I know all about this. I was one signature away from filing a formal grievance due to favoritism and a very unfair punishment issued to me. As soon as it came down to filing the grievance, that shit got taken care of VERY QUICK. On another note, I am really sorry, man. There are only a few things that really make me violent. Purposely inflicting emotional or physical pain on a woman is one of them. That shit makes my blood boil...... Just be there for her, no matter the time or circumstances. Help her get through this. It will be very tough for both of you, but I am sure that you will both get through it. And help to make sure she files a grievance and gets that son of a bitch punished. Let me know if you have any questions about the grievance procedure. ~Will Courtier~
She got back on the 3th and she had her Coast Guard Investigation that day for it. In the CG they seriously fuck people up for this shit, regardless of rank. I haven't spoken to her in a week, I'm going nuts. I have my plane ticket to go back to Atlanta with her all ready, and I intend on going unless she calls me up and says don't come. I talked with one of her friends back home and hopefully he can set me up with a hotel to stay in. Oh and I quit crying Tuesday, the waves of sadness have subsided, I am ready to be there for her. I've all ready made the decision if she is pregnant and wants to keep it I will be the kids dad with her permission.
Really sorry to read all about this dude. But, do you think she'll want to keep it if she is pregnant? That's kinda messed up if she does. You'll both be reminded of what happened to her everytime you look at the kid. If I were in your situation then I'd actually try to persuade her to abort, getting pregnant from rape and then keeping it is way too weird. IMO anyway. No offence, man.
Its not the kids fault, if they don't want to keep it they can give it up for adoption. Then again a slight nudge down a long stair case could be easier and quicker. also ... your not even dating this girl yet? and your ready to be the father to her baby and stuff. I think you may still be thinking with the honey moon stage brain.
Well, glad to hear she turned him in. Frequently the "rape" card gets played when a girl was just too drunk and later had regret. If she hadn't reported it I would have been suspicious of something along those lines. Good luck, you're a hell of a guy. But as mentioned above, just be careful not to rush in. She seems like a sweet girl and probably is, but what really went down is really unknown. Plus, she could have some serious psychological issues going forward. My wife was attacked (albeit just groped and not raped) as a teenager and she still has issues to this very day.
Keep your wits and do nothing extreme, I hope things are working out for you. If you can point at a woman and say she has no issues my money says that she's in drag,,,,,,:lol:
Oh wow, I should've kept up on this thread. I'm terribly sorry to hear about what happened. Something similar happened with my ex. She was comatose from lack of sleep and got taken advantage of by a "friend." She hid it from me for a while, then told me about it a few months later. At that point, it was too late to file any charges. However, I made her go get a full checkup. This was the long distance relationship, btw. I had met the guy BEFORE I knew about what happened, and I already didn't like him. After I found out about it, it took ALL of my will power to not want to kill him. Needless to say, I made him feel very, VERY uncomfortable around me when I made another visit to her campus.
Well I was all ready pretty much decided to eventually marry this girl, just didn't expect it so soon. My mom said that "She has a right to feel angry, but you can't let it stay inside you or it will eat at you." P.S. My mother was molested when she was younger by a family friend. As for the kid thing -Prepare for the worst and hope for the best.
having i baby is scary as hell, but after it is born it is one of the best feelings in the world(next to making babies) becoming a dad has changed my world, some good and some bad... but the good totally out weighs the bad. my little girl is the best thing to ever happen to me, i hope you are serious about being this little ones dad, it will be kick ass man trust me
Its all speculation at this point, she hasn't answered her phone in a week. The pregnancy thing is the only thing that I can think of that would make her stop answering. I have my plane ticket and she doesn't even know, this is not going well
I'm sorry to hear about what happened to your friend man, its really horrible. I don't know the girl or am i saying she would do anything like this but i'm going to bring it up because it recently happened to a best friend of mine and if she is pregnant maybe talk you out of fathering a child that is not your own. My buddy, lets call him matt, has been in love with this girl, jen since high school, they dated for a while back in high school but she cheated on him and he dumped her. but they stayed friends after a while. well fast forward to about a year ago, 4 years later. she gets back together with him, they date for about 2 months, he goes on spring break and gets back to "i'm 7 months pregnant with another mans baby and i just found out about it. so he thinks long and hard. and decides to stick it out and be there for her and father the child. against everyones advice. he does the honerable thing because he loves her. so time goes by things go good and the child is born, a little girl. every things still going good for about a month. now this cat never was a fan of kids, never wanted to have them, but he loved the girl and eventually fell in love with the little girl. so a few more weeks go by, and things start to go sour, she starts to become more and more distant and eventually baby's daddy comes back into the picture. and she ends it. now matt is heart broken, not so much that the girl left him, but the little girl that he grew to love would no longer be part of his life, and there was nothing he could do about it. it took him some time to get over this and he was pretty fucked up for a while. i know your situation is quite the same but still, if she is pregnant, its not your kid, and you can become attached and something could happen and theres nothing you can do about it. you obviously have not been thinking rationally the last week or so. so just give it time, before you jump into a commitment like that, its a big commitment, much bigger than marriage even, your committing the rest of your life to fathering a child, you just cant walk away from something like that. think about it
Not answering her phone? Not a good sign. All I can say is guard yourself. I'm quick to assume that women are playing games because I've spent 20 years in relationships with women. So to my jaded eyes this whole situation looks pretty suspect.
Reality check: It's hard in this situation, but try to think with your brains and not your heart. In most states, the support enforcement divisions pin the liabilities of child support on whoever steps forward to take the roll of dad, not father, but dad. The odds are against magical thinking ever becoming reality, that shit only works out in chick flix. It's great and honorable that you want to be the rescuer. But alot of rescuers become victims right along with the rescuees. The bottom line is always going to be, that the kid is not your kid. That fact will, more than likely, always be an issue, reguardless of your chivalry and intentions.The odds are against everything working out as well as we hope they will. To "be there for her" doesn't mean you need to marry her right now. do yourself a favor, and her too, and giver her the room to work some things out for herself right now. Evidently she is needing the space, or she'd have been in contact with you. it's hard to be in "stand-by" mode, but sometimes forcing our will on others isn't what's best for all concerned. give the poor girl the space she needs and be ready to be her friend on her terms. Do yourself the biggest favor of all, ang give it time....lots of time before even bringing up the "will you marry me" scenario. You may find things out that will surprise and crush your heart before putting yourself in a position of doing something that cannot be undone.
Yes I know. I'm trying to prepare myself for the worst here, mkay. Tonight will be the last time I try to call her for a while, at least until Sunday.
I'm just trying to put myself in her position. Assuming the rape thing is true as presented, and she reciprocates your feelings for her, why is she avoiding or seemingly avoiding your calls? Is she not telling the whole truth? Is she seeking comfort from another? Is she just ashamed? And if so why? I dunno. If she doesn't pick up when you call tonight I'd recommend you try to move on.
Does she have a habit of not answering her phone when you call? She was forthcoming with the fact that she was raped. This may be bigger than you know at the moment. Dont get all butthurt just yet. Rape is a very humbling thing to go through. Some women feel damaged and ashamed even though its not their fault. I would say to keep trying. Dont over-do it. Just a daily call and maybe leave a message to let her know you are coming will break her out of her shell. Good luck. Wish you the best with this!
Well I had to shotgun her and call her from a different number but I got her to talk. I said I was sorry for acting crazy she's said "Its ok I'm just going through my CGI and it tough, and I know you want to hear about it." me "Actually I don't. I just want to listen to what you have to say and to tell you I love you. I will believe what ever you want to tell me about it." her "If you really love me you will come down here and kill this guy. No don't because I know you will" So hopefully we will talk about me coming to ATL this weekend sometime soon.
Im so glad you were able to get her on the phone. I know that it offers some sort of relief. Hope the trip goes well for you. Dont kill anyone.
Well she hasn't responded yet, granted normally I'm just what ever. She is a very in the moment person and if you are close by physically she will respond but if you are far away like I am she's not so responsive. Right now I am going fucking nuts because of it. I have a plane ticket for Saturday to Monday, I could fly to Atlanta and still be back for work on Tuesday. I have two sides of my brain here one is telling me Fuck It go to ATL and give her her valentines day gift (which is a golden heart shaped locket, I'm giving her my golden heart), plus I'm 75% sure she will see me for at least a few minutes which is all I want; the other side is kicking and screaming don't go BAD IDEA! DANGER WILL ROBINSON! DANGER! Also I think this is like crazy fucking stalker shit. I feel like the kid from superbad when he's talking about drawing the penises "I thought it was fucked up, I can't imagine what other people would think" One of the guys I work with today who knows what is going on and we spoke about it at first he was like you shouldn't go after I gave him my thoughts he was like you should go. My sister said go. One of the people I would go to for advice has her phone disconnected. I'm out of places for advice so I turn to the internets.
My advice? Don't go. For whatever reason she's avoiding YOU. Not just "in the moment" or whatever. You call from your number and she doesn't pick up, but you call from another number and she does? Holy shit dude, love can really fuck with your mind! For all we know she made up this rape story to try to get rid of you, who knows? Refund the ticket and spend the money for fun, or change the flight to elsewhere. How about Cancun? Listen to the little voice in your head!
