[djsoulriot]

This is something I wrote not too long ago. I think I'm posting this out of poor judgement, seeing as how it's 5:40 a.m. and I need sleep.

Anyways:

I smell like glue...?

I thought you lost the sense of smell while sleeping. For some reason, still unknown to me, I woke up smelling like glue. It's almost 2 in the morning, and this is ridiculous.

I woke up, and grabbed my ipod. Shadow of a Man came on, so I started listening to that. If the timing's right, meaning the right song cues up to what my mind is pondering, things can seem quite clear.

Why do we push away the people that are the closest to us? If we say we love and care for people, then why don't we try to take more time to understand their "faults", or atleast what may seem as a fault in our eyes. Why are people so prideful? It's like picking on someone that farts or picks his nose in public. We all do it in the privacy of our own homes, so why do we act so emaculate in front of others?

Instinct?

I know who I am. I know what I like and dislike, what I want to be and how I'm going to accomplish it. Of course, since I am only 18, all of this still has time to change, and maybe my perception of the real world is skewed. Maybe, or maybe not.

I'm not a hateful person, verbal attacks are my defense. Defense for what? I dont know, maybe I fear being rejected, or thought of as an inferior being, but hell I've put up with that since I was prescribed glasses in 4th grade, and realized I was fatter than most of my friends in 6th grade.

Where am I going with this post.

This internal force, this urge to push certain people away, ridicule others, and claim hatred for the rest. Is this something that helps magnify the beauty of true love for an individual?

I know that I am an intelligent person. It doesn't matter if you don't think so, and I don't need positive reinforcement to remind me so. I understand so much about my surroundings and am able to theorize the rest. But why don't I take my own advice?

I know how much vast beauty the sky holds, yet I choose to walk with my head down, counting the cracks in the busted pavement.

At times I feel so singled out from this world. I don't wish to conform to this society, and from past experiences I know that I don't have a good time doing what most others would deem " a good time". I don't drink or do drugs, I don't get milkshakes and burgers on a friday night, i don't like dancing and I have a close mind when it comes to new music. I immediately criticize people that rub me the wrong way, and feel trapped with what snap decisions I've made. Most of my character is probably developed from feelings of entrapment, and also snap judgement.

I need to be great. I don't know what I'll do if I accomplish anything but utter success.

But back to the topic of people, and our feelings for eachother. Everyone has those sleepless nights, as I am having now. I don't mind if you know alot about me, what makes me tick. Apparently all you have to do is call me with a blocked number and call me a faget, that seems to do the trick. But I don't feel it necessary to walk around striking intimidation in the heart of random strangers. I'd rather walk around with a sloppy head of hair, and akward grin on my face, and the look of content in my eyes. After all, life is just a roller coaster and I'm here for the free ride.

My feelings, my views on this life, are all relatively the same as yours. It's coming clear that this is the key to feeling close to my brothers and sisters on this planet. Were all of the same species, relatively speaking we're all one in the same. Yet, so much desire to destroy one another, and acheive that feeling of superiority.

Sigh, this post isn't coming out the way I want it to.

I hate change. I know hate is a strong word, maybe it's not the right one, but dislike or greatly dislike doesn't cover it. A very wise person told me that while I don't like change, I still desire a few occasional moments of chaos, but straight back to the norm after that.

I am going to live forever. This world, all of this that "exists", is only viewed through my eyes. There is no way for me to know that reality is actually anything more than just an elaborate simulate reality for me to partake in. Once I die, this universe, and reality, will be forever extinguished. This is nothing more than a movie.

I think I'm just rambling now.

Pretty much I'd have no problem completely forgiving anyone that's ever trespassed against me (heh, throw some Our Father in there). But if I do that, I completely break these bullshit hidden social taboos that are set to keep everyone in order. Being a compassionate and forgiving human being, that understands he has made mistakes, partly on his own use of free will and also partly motivated by the overwhelming, at times, effect of society. So whatever, I mean in the grand gist of things were all random bits of energy flowing in the vastness of everything and nothingess simultaneously.

I hate that my mind is trapped by the confines of my body. My urges for pleasure and fitting in with others really takes away from the greatness I would have the ability to be. But I guess this internal struggle found within most of us keeps us from all being enlightened monks. Because at the point, what else is there to do but wait for death to come?

So I suppose this complexity is what makes us all who we are, the beautiful people we are that are able to love some while holding hatred for others. I mean, sure I'm able to sit here preaching about separating ourselves from our feeble loves and hates for things, but at the same time I'm being entirely hypocritical. Such things as my love for napping with Ariane, driving alone, the feeling after eating healthy foods, and watching Curb Your Enthusiasm with my dad are what make me who I am, and that is a beautiful person. But there's also my dislikes and flaws in my personality. My random disliking for those that sport a bit too muchVolcom merchandise (People that I see as arrogant, materialistic pricks with no taste or opinion of their own) and anyone that appears to have a very low iq but persists in making themselves the loudest person in the room. But the flaws in my personality are what ties everything together such as indecisiveness tied in with how overly opinionated I can be. I usually do not censor what I am currently thinking, which makes me sound like an asshole even though everone else is thinking the same thing.

But wow, it's 2:20 already. I need to work on going to bed while the clock still has the little p.m. reading in the top right corner.

As always, this short revelation/ prayer for peace will be projected towards 3 or 4 people, maybe one of which will make a sarcastic comment pertaining to nothing I've said. So please, take a fraction of the time that it took me write this, and give it some thought. I'm not asking for comments, just for someone to be affected by what I've said.

So give it a try and break away from your restraints. But for the love of god, don't pretend that you have no restraints, for if that was the truth you'd be walking around town in the nude, smoking crack, while eating a bowl of Life cereal.

I'm truly, truly a much better person that most of you think I am. You don't always have to be so cynical.

[Hubcap]

only time i ever think about those things you wrote about are when im on some type of drug. Im not sure if im the only one but if i wake up at 2am i either get up go the the bathroom and get a drink of water and go back to sleep or watch some tv until i fall asleep.

interesting read none the less.

"I am going to live forever. This world, all of this that "exists", is only viewed through my eyes. There is no way for me to know that reality is actually anything more than just an elaborate simulate reality for me to partake in. Once I die, this universe, and reality, will be forever extinguished. This is nothing more than a movie. "

I found that the most interesting during the read.

[hans5849]

DXM?

[Nothing.]

I had one of those feelings once. I do still, but I don't let it bother me...

[crowchaser]

Originally Posted by hans5849

DXM?

fo sho

adult swim on mute with techno music blasting