[JustinL]

1.) Guns are used in self-defense over 2 million times a year. However, this makes the attempted crime a "non-event," which necessarily complicates the Police investigation. Without civilian ownership of guns, these Police investigations would not have been compromised. Civilians should leave crime prevention to the Police, who are properly equipped to investigate following the crime's completion.

2.) Some .004 percentage (4/1000 of 1%) of guns are used in crime each year. This is way too high. All guns should be banned

3.) Guns are unnecessary. In 98% of civilian gun defenses, no shot is fired. If you are not going to fire a shot, you clearly don't need a gun.
This proves that the guns are unnecessary. Banning guns will prevent these unnecessary defenses.

4.) Guns cause criminal migration. In tough gun-law Washington, D.C., violent crime rates are very high. This high crime rate is caused by the migration of criminals from gun havens like Virginia. This migration is caused by the criminal's cowardly avoidance of armed householders and concealed-carry civilians. This criminal migration is detrimental to helpless unarmed citizens in no-gun areas and must be stopped. Guns should be banned everywhere.

5.) Most gun crimes are committed by inner city gangs and drug dealers.
These relatively small and geographically restricted groups consistently commit the majority of gun crimes, which usually peak as turf wars erupt over Drug War changes. The best way to prevent this is by denying guns to all law abiding people everywhere.

6.) No woman needs to protect herself from rape, assault or murder. The Police will protect them by investigating the crime after the fact.
Remember, Police paperwork is all the protection anyone really needs.

7.) Gun owners are disrespectful of authority. Good citizens should completely rely on the authorities. A failure to do so is an invariable sign of improper and overly independent attitudes. Failure to completely and absolutely trust and depend on the authorities is excessive democracy and sends a bad message to children.

8.) Gun owners engaging in self-defense are taking the law into their own hands. This is wrong. Only the Police and Criminals have the right to take the law into their own hands. It should be kept out of the hands of citizens.

9.) Children and young people should remain ignorant about guns. Real guns and real gun knowledge dissipate the fantasies created by violent video games and TV. Ignorance, once lost, can never be restored and needs to be protected.

10.)Guns reduce people's reliance on the Police and Government. This fosters a mistaken belief in "rights". No person has the right to question authority. No person should be less than 100% dependent on authority. This is fundamental to social order. Banning guns will help to establish the Order the authorities want. This is good.

a satire by

Bruce Gold

[tex]

haha
that is good.
i read the first one and thought it was serious for a few seconds, i almost put my fist thru my monitor

[Miller]

LMAO

[Da Lucky 1]

when i read the thread title, i thought you were serious :P

[Sweatervest]

I thought it was serious too, and i was thought "MSP is going to shit himself".

[trancosrt]

I also thought he was serious at first and foresaw a massive flame!!

[JustinL]

I am suprised you all actually would think i would want to ban guns with all of the pro republican stuff i post.

[hans5849]

You don't need a AK-47 to go hunting.

[JustinL]

you dont need to go hunting in the first place, but its fun. and its more fun with an ak-47. say 75% of people owned some type of weapon, and used them. how much more crime do you think there would be?

[GirlsRidePonies]

Originally Posted by JustinL

words

Wow. When I saw this thread title, I was getting ready to flame away.

...then I saw you were the poster.

[GirlsRidePonies]

Originally Posted by hans5849

You don't need a AK-47 to go hunting.

Why not? There are plenty of legal non-automatic AKs/AK clones around (though they are annoying as balls at ranges; they throw brass pretty far). There are also many more powerful rifles (rifles with larger rounds, higher muzzle velocity, etc.) than the AK series.

Oh, and this article wasn't about hunting. This was more about personal defense, which is much more easily done with a small sidearm (like a Glock 36) rather than a larger rifle (like the AK).

[ivanolo]

I thought you were seriosu too....

[NoseMaster]

wtf, my gf just sent me a list almost identical in satire/sarcasm to this about banning gay marriage